We asked Mrs Pamela Nkeng to answer to our previous post on modern dating. (post in English)

Moder Dating

Illustrations by UnPeuDeTenue.fr

Words by Ms Pamela NKENG, featured writer, MR AFROPOLITAN

After the article I wrote about the gallantry and all the things men MUST do to please women, I received a message telling me that women today don’t mind about that kind of manners. What do I think about that message? I think that a girl who doesn’t appreciate good manners, politeness, and can’t recognize a real gentleman, just doesn’t deserve all those things AT ALL.

1 –

 and if it was him


In 2015, we can all agree that there are numerous ways of meeting people, meeting guys. The Internet and its different platforms, parties, afterworks, speed dating. These ones are as much intimidating as the others, depending on how confident you are with yourself.

When you are a woman, aged between 20 and 40 years old, and single, going out is THE occasion to meet your potential future husband, so PREPARE yourself. The outfit, the make up you will use, everything is MILLIMETRIC.

We tend to pretend that we don’t really believe in love, that we are down to earth and need a minimum of things to be attracted to a man: Wrong! ALL WOMEN are incredibly romantic.

Here I am at a conference about “how to find new investments to develop the construction market in several countries in Africa”.  The crowd mostly composed by men of a certain age, women apparently there for a reason, and then there he was, the MAN: 6.3 feet, very sharp, and one of the people who are giving a speech. I am sitting in the front row and drinking everything he is saying, trying to behave myself. I know he feels the same but after the speech he kept his distance.

I knew he was looking at me and the people I was talking to, I did hope he will come and use a business context to get in touch with me, obviously without being too intrusive.  That is exactly what he did.

He is not just physically attractive and a good orator, he has several activities he runs and is passionate about it: Awesome!

So he exchanged his business card with me, did the same with the other people around and left.

Two days of a hard and frustrating wait, I received an email saying: “it was nice meeting you”.

That was it: I was interested to get to know him more.

We started talking to each other every single day. We talked about everything in our lives. He seemed interested in what I was saying. I told him about my family, my friends, my hobbies, my job, my passions, everything, and he did the same, well, as much as men can do. I was ecstatic and pleasantly surprised by this gentleman. I was impressed by the time he took to talk to me, by the fact that he wasn’t rushing things at all, by the attention he showed when he asked me something and that I was answering. I was conquered.

And therefore, I wanted MORE.

2 –

May you take me out


All the time we were talking enable us to almost know each other. Nevertheless, it was mostly about our everyday life. I needed to know more, about his ex girlfriends, about his past relationships, about what he expected from this relationship. I needed him to clarify. I needed to know if I was the only one tripping. Of course I wouldn’t ask him out, I am old fashion, and honestly every woman wants the man to do the work, to be shown she’s worth the effort.

So I was waiting.  And there comes the letter…

Can you imagine that? The LETTER.  At work.  It’s so “HITCH” (the movie with Will Smith as an actor). We all dream about it without really been thinking it can really happen. But it did.

Now I really hope he is not doing all of this for nothing really serious cause right now, I am already thinking about our children’s names (kidding)!

(Yeah in case you didn’t know, WE, women, think about the colour of the flowers at the wedding ceremony right after the second time we talk to you).

So the letter arrives, and it tells me the day and hour of the date, nothing more. I was enthusiast, so I immediately sent him a text message saying YES!


Hoping things go the best way possible. Hoping that the first impression and all we have done then will be successful.

3 –

Modern dating

Modern Dating

He sent a cab to pick me up at home. In the backseat there was a book, I can’t believe he listened, I cant believe he actually heard what I was saying, I like him more and more each step of the way.

The book is about my favourite architect and all the projects he has worked on: the pictures, the drawings, everything. THAT MAN took the time to look for the book, to use his money to buy it, his hands to pack it.

You can’t possibly do all that for a friendship with benefits do you? I hope you don’t anyway.

By the time we arrived at the place, I was already conquered.

And then I saw him. He was, if possible, even more handsome than I remembered. He smelled good (which is very important guys) and was sharp.

He complimented me about my outfit and I replied the same back at him. I thanked him for the book and told him how thoughtful it is of him and how touched I am.

As a basketball fan, to me “the dream” FIRST DATE would be a basketball game.

It is enough to enable you to act just as friends and focus on something else if things unfortunately went wrong, but at the same time it can be very intimate cause you can have cheering hugs and etc.

Note this man: you don’t want the first date to be too formal. You don’t want to go to the classic restaurant. Where you will be looking at each other’s eyes the entire evening. Look for something less classic and strict and go for something FUN.

Afterwards, we went to grab a drink (to take away) and walk a bit, to talk in a more quiet way, but nothing more.

He took me back home, waited until I was really IN the building and left.

30 minutes later he sent me text message, telling me he has appreciated the game with my company and he is looking forward to do it again, in a more intimate place.

The date was P.E.R.F.E.C.T.

Men, although we pretending to don’t want a romance, although we play though and show the independent women cards, we NEED you to act like real gentlemen, like our fathers and their fathers did.

There are … things you need to put in action: PATIENCE, RESPECT, IMAGINATION, DEVOTION, ELEGANCE, PRIDE (Don’t forget these tips, use them!)